


The Theory of One

by louds



Category: Rookie Blue
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-16
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-02-09 03:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1967232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louds/pseuds/louds
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Directly following on from 4x13, Gail and Holly try to work through where they go from here.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I delete all negative comments and stalk the senders of praise. There are no winners here. Contact me at your own risk.

"I think we need to get you home."

Gail's eyes flicked open as she righted herself suddenly. She glanced around quickly. Hospital waiting room. Check. Almost everyone else gone home. Check. Just her, Holly, Chris and some randoms. Check. Clearly using Holly as a softy pillow. Check. Awkward. Check. Just another day in Gail's world lately. Double check that one.

"I wasn't asleep." Gail yawned on cue, rubbing her cheek with two stiff fingertips. "Your shoulder is kinda boney."

"It was designed to be sturdy and athletic not a mattress."

Gail stood, stretching with a grimace, "I'm sure the softball team is really happy." She felt like she'd been battered from head to foot. She ached everywhere.

Chris smiled, rubbing a hand over his face, "She's right. There's no point us all being here. Sam's stable. Oliver will be okay and Chloe...She's tough." Chris stared at his hands as he massaged a palm with his thumb.

"The fairytale can't exist if Cinderella dies," Gail muttered to herself, adjusting her heavy leather duty belt set so it rested on her hips and distributed the weight better.

A few hours sleep did sound good. She'd never make it through a double shift tomorrow otherwise.

The blonde sensed rather than saw that Holly had moved. It wasn't until Holly touched a hand to Gail's elbow that she turned into the smiling face of… her friend? Pal? Buddy? Gail stared. Confidant? Gail grimaced and exhaled with a frustrated puff of her cheeks. She didn't know what the Hell Holly was to her…

"That's a look I'll treasure. Come on," the brunette said, leading her out by the hand.

…only that she was always there when she needed her. Every time. It was getting lonely doing every hard thing alone. Gail let herself be led.

###

Gail watched the beautiful, tragic, dirty, dangerous, wonderful city flitter by as Holly drove smoothly through the empty early morning streets.

"I'm hungry and I want alcohol."

Her breath misted the window. Her fingertip drew a sad face. She was feeling sorry for herself, for Oliver, for Sam, Chris, Dov, even for Chloe. Gail caught her reflection. She looked tired and paler than her usual pale self. She angrily wiped away the sad face and turned to Holly who glanced at her, eyebrows raised before she deftly changed gears.

"Lunchbox. Alcohol," Gail mock instructed.

Holly checked a junction before slipping through it.

"As much as I love drinking with you - and this great nickname I've got - it's 2am, you've not slept, you've got 3 colleagues in the ER, and a shift tomorrow, Peck."

Oh, we both get nicknames, thought Gail.

"That's Officer Peck to you, Lunchbox."

"Then it's Doctor Lunchbox to you, Officer Peck."

Gail frowned.

"That sounds like a really weird porn name. I'm not happy going down that thought road." She nodded and leant her head back on the head rest. "This day has been too strange already." She sighed, lolling her head over toward Holly, exhaling audibly for effect. "I only know how to deal with things one of two ways, Lunchbox. I either get really drunk and then do something incredibly stupid or I get angry with everyone around me, get really drunk and then do something incredibly stupid." She punctuated the end with a nose wrinkle. "What's it to be because the voices in my head are sick of making decisions today."

Holly's mouth curled up into a half smile and her eyes stayed glued to the road.

"I like that you're so weird," Holly reached over, laying her hand on Gail's thigh for a brief moment, giving it a light squeeze before going back to the wheel. "I'll decide."

Gail did a shifty sideways glance at Holly. Objectively, because there was no reason not to be, right? Objectively, Holly was pretty hot in that kind of geeky but funky, super intelligent way she had going on. And if this was just about sex she could easily fumble her way through it. I mean, they had the same junk, right? How hard could it be? Her brain actually started to process that thought - quite a lot. After a few moments she caught sight of her reflection in the windscreen. Mouth slightly agape, eyes wide in shock, she really hadn't thought this whole thing through. I mean, she had. Just then. Her brain had definitely been thinking things through. She massaged her temples with pincered fingers.

"You okay?"

"Lunchbox. Alcohol." It was more like a plea than a demand.

Holly pulled the car over. Gail glanced out of the window, looking around at where they'd stopped, scrunching her face, she threw her hands up.

"We're in Suburbia. We'd have to do a home invasion just to get a bottle of light beer. I seriously can't drink with soccer mums right now. Not when I still have my firearm."

"The first thing to know about soccer moms is that they always have a stash of booze somewhere." Holly smirked then nodded to her right. "This is my house."

"What?"

Holly made an exaggerated circle with her hands over to the house.

"This," then jabbed an index finger to the centre of her chest, "is my." Her hands made the shape of a roof over her head, "house."

Gail's stared intently at the brunette.

"If you tell me you manage that soccer team I'm going to discharge my firearm in my mouth."

"My other car's a minivan."

"Why would you live here? People come to suburbia for only one reason, Holly. To have children and be really unhappy."

"There's so much to look forward to in Gail's world." Holly replied in mock serious tones before clarifying. "Inheritance. I'll sell when the market recovers."

"Very adult."

"Thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"Coming from you it kinda is." Holly smirked and got out of her side. "Now, do you want some improperly chilled Mexican wine or not? That stuff's not going to dissolve a glass on its own, you know."

Gail got out, doing a slow 360 before nodding her head in a dramatic fashion to the brunette.

"I want off of this street before someone mistakes me for private security and tells me to fix their porch light."

There was no way Gail was going to say she was impressed with Holly's house. Or Holly's temporary house. Or Holly's only until the market recovered house. As Holly walked ahead, leading the way through the hallway toward the back, Gail glanced about. God, this place was nice.

"Your lunchbox is full of money."

Gail frowned, playing that sentence back. That did not accurately convey what she'd wanted to get at. Holly turned and stopped, looking wide eyed at her.

"My lunchbox is full of money? You sound like my pimp."

Gail shrugged nonchalantly. She was great at projecting that look. Literally an expert. She could lecture in Yale on how to be nonchalant and fill a lecture hall…or not. She wouldn't care. She'd just shrug. Nonchalantly. Not caring if it were full or not because that's what you did when you were nonchalant.

"Then stop your yapping and go get me some light beer in a McDonalds novelty glass, woman."

Holly laughed, doing that half smile thing that Gail couldn't help but find strangely cute. The brunette narrowed her eyes, shaking her head slowly before taking three steps forward, narrowing the gap between them so quickly that Gail didn't even have time to panic, freeze, or do whatever else her brain decided to spew forth as an ill-judged defence mechanism.

The brunette leaned in, still with that slightly cocky smile and kissed her. Every single smart response that Gail's brain contained, flat lined. D.O.A. Soft lips kissed her not once but twice. Two slow, deliberately lingering, burningly wonderful times.

Holly moved the heat of her body and those immeasurably soft lips that stunned Gail every time they touched her own, away. "I'll get you some of that cheap alcohol you love so much," before spinning off toward the back of the house.

Gail, eyebrows furrowed deeply, blue eyes like lasers staring at the space Holly occupied a few moments previously, raised a hand slowly, fingertips taking residence on the smooth taupe plaster of the wall, steadying herself.

"Stop doing that," she whispered.

She wasn't sure if she was talking to herself or Holly.

###

Holly's living room was expansive. Gail repeated that word in her head a few times as she sipped another beer.

"Expansive," she enunciated out loud.

"We actually play our soccer matches in this room," Holly added as she finished her beer off. "So…"

The word hung in the air.

Gail wasn't keen on anything hanging in the air. It was a bit like a daddy longlegs - you never knew where it'd be going. She swatted it in true Peck style by making it into a wonderfully inviting social statement.

"…what?"

Holly clearly knew how to deal with her sass.

"… do we do with the fact that I like you and you like me?"

The suddenness of the question startled Gail and before she realised the words were out.

"Get married in Vegas?"

Holly smiled tightly, staring at her bottle, "Okay. We clearly don't have to have this conversation now." Holly looked over at her, eyes intently focused before softening, "We have to talk about it sometime. I need to know where I stand before I make an idiot out of myself."

Gail couldn't imagine any scenario where Holly would make an idiot out of herself. Gail let her head fall back on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. But Holly was right, the conversation was unavoidable and if truth be told, she wasn't sure she wanted to avoid it. She kinda wanted to stand in the middle of the road and get hit full force by whatever Holly was driving.

"I know." Gail met Holly's gaze. God, where did this woman come from? It felt like out of nowhere, walking through all of her walls and defences like they weren't there. No one had done it unscathed before - she wasn't sure if Holly would make it all the way without a mark - although she kind of hoped. "Just… I can't right now."

Gail felt red raw from today.

Holly nodded slowly and put her empty bottle down, speaking more to herself than Gail.

"I'm into trying new things at the moment. I'm okay with that."

Gail watched her intently. Yeah, she didn't look okay with it at all. She looked pretty much not okay with it. Gail's non-existent internal filter failed to materialise for the millionth time that month.

"You do not look okay with it."

The wistful expression in Holly's eyes shut down any of Gail's sarcastic comments.

"You're straight. And I'm not. And I like you, Gail." Holly got up, clearly needing to pace this out a bit. "It's ridiculous how much I like you. I don't know what to do with that if you like me back but are too scared or… I don't know, unable or unwilling to be receptive to what's going on between us." Holly stopped, closing the distance between them, cautiously, slowly, sitting next to her on the sofa, taking her hand carefully, searching her eyes for - something.

"When you kissed me…," Holly hesitated.

Something she didn't seem to be finding. Holly's expression pained the smallest amount at that realisation. Holly trailed off.

Gail was standing in the middle of that road, watching Holly drive toward her, and sure, she'd asked for it but in the cold light of those headlights-she-was-scared. She retreated, taking her hand back at the sudden intensity of it, this, Holly, the amazing kisses they shared, the overwhelming feeling of panic, the lack of sleep and food and the giant adrenalin crash, the absence of a smartass retort that could sidestep her out of this moment even though, if truth be told, she didn't want to be anywhere else but here. In the middle of this road. Waiting for the Holly truck.

Except when you don't say any of that out loud then you can hardly blame someone for getting the wrong idea.

Holly clenched that rejected hand and quickly nodded before getting up and physically putting distance between them.

"You're straight. And I'm not," she stated and then smiled tightly. "And that's okay." Holly took a breath, her smile becoming tinged in a sadness that was pulled away so effortlessly that it remained only as a shadow. "It's okay. Come on. Let me introduce you to my wonderful spare room."

And that was where Gail was deposited with, even after everything, a caring smile and, "I've set the alarm. I'll be up, too, so just come down when you need to."

Because that was Holly. And as the door clicked shut it was just her. Despite everything bad today and everything so life alteringly wonderful, she had managed to get into Holly's house and yet was still alone.

"Oh my God, how do I do this?"

Gail balled her fists so hard that her nails dug into her flesh. She fell back onto the bed in a star shape and before she knew it she was out. Completely exhausted. Dead to the world. So much so that she didn't hear the knock or Holly coming back in or gently lifting her legs onto the bed and carefully, because she didn't want to wake Gail, not after the day she'd had, covering her in a warm blanket. She didn't see the way Holly looked at her with a longing that finally made the brunette turn away fiercely, annoyed at herself for forgetting the one cardinal rule she had above all else.

"Not the straight ones," Holly whispered to herself before she left.

Gail didn't hear a thing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Directly following on from 4x13, Gail and Holly try to work through where they go from here. Chapter 2/3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I delete all negative comments and stalk the senders of praise. There are no winners here. Contact me at your own risk.

Gail stared into her coffee. Freshly made, of course, because Holly was awesome like that. Even at 7am after barely three hours sleep she still looked - Gail glanced up as she was sat opposite, checking her e-mails on her tablet - beautiful. Adroit. Unique. Weird. Intelligent. Brave. Exceptional. Strong.

Holly glanced up and caught her staring. Holly did that thing that Gail was equal parts envious and hypnotized by. Holly's lips curved into a beaming smile. Literally. Beaming. That smile said, I see you and I like you and here's the proof so you and everyone else can see because I'm not ashamed or scared.

"How are you feeling?"

Gail, however, had deadpan down to an art.

"Tired."

"And just a little bit monosyllabic in the mornings, huh?"

Gail dropped her forehead to the wooden table with a thud to punctuate her point and get out of the way of that smile. It was too early to be disarmed so efficiently.

"Nng."

"Well said, Peck."

Gail remained where she was but raised her hand, pointing a single finger toward Holly.

"Officer Peck."

A hand lay on that finger and slid upward to give her wrist a soft squeeze. Gail raised her head. Holly was just touching her as she moved away. It was an absent minded gesture. Sweet even. Not that Gail encouraged that sort of thing normally. She didn't communicate with touchy feely stuff. Feels were for fangirls, not Gail Peck. She lowered her hand and tilted her head on its side, staring at those fingers. Sensory pleasure with no expectations. Gail watched Holly's back as she washed up. Were there expectations? Well… not even expectations to wash mugs, it seemed.

"Hungry, Officer Peck?" Holly turned around, wiping her wet hands on a tea towel, leaning the small of her back against the sink. She pointed to a plate with some toast on.

"I am not hungry, Holly. I am wondering where I put my vest and especially my gun." Gail lifted her head and punctuated her sentence by turning her hands into guns and shooting. "You can't sell my Glock 22 on eBay."

Holly walked off, calling back, "The current bid of $200 suggests different."

She reappeared a minute later making an overt show of having to heft the pile of police equipment onto the table with a thud. Holly held a single finger up telling Gail to wait. Off she went again, this time returning with a metal lock box. Holly pointed at the pile of vest and duty belt.

"Ridiculously heavy kit. Although it clears up that swagger of yours."

Gail stood, scrunching her nose up a little, narrowing her eyes a fraction as she questioned that.

"Does it?" She dragged the vest over and ripped the Velcro open to get it back on. "Because, purely functional 7 kgs or not, I always have that swagger."

She did up the belt, "It's just ma swagger," took the key from Holly's palm and opened the box to retrieve her service weapon. "No more sass, young lady." Gail dropped her Glock into the holster. She levelled her gaze at the brunette. "Armed and dangerous now." And then grabbed the half slice of toast off of Holly's plate. "Cancel that auction because the Peck is back," pausing long enough to jam the half in her mouth before she walked off toward the front room to retrieve her jacket.

Holly couldn't help her smile and laugh.

"How has your brother not killed you yet?"

Gail swung around on her heels and shrugged.

"He's too slow," she managed with a mouth still partially full of toast.

Holly grabbed her bag to catch up and met Gail in the hallway.

"I thought you weren't hungry."

Gail swallowed the rest, opening her mouth wide to Holly to childishly prove her point.

"It's a matter of principle. Top dog needs to eat first, lunchbox."

Holly opened the front door and punched the alarm on her key fob. She got a beep in response.

"Top dog can walk to the station if she's not careful."

"I'll take you to lunch."

Holly sighed as they got into the car.

"I'm working though lunch and dinner and probably into the night. Half my office is down with the flu."

Gail didn't even think before putting her hand on Holly's arm briefly. She could have sworn she felt a moment of tenseness but that wouldn't be Holly. Holly was open and responsive. Holly was unfettered with social fears, remarkable, insistent without making you feel like she'd done anything to insist. The morning sun caught the brunette's dark chocolate hair and made it glow. Holly was beauty on fire. That was Holly. It was not her. If Gail Peck was describing Gail Peck she'd use adjectives like repressed, overthinking, distracted, wounded…. Gail finished that thought with the pinnacle of perfection: scared.

Normally, the thought of letting Holly in would be terrifying and exhilarating at the same time. But Gail hadn't done anything to let her in. Holly had turned up and made her way through the Peck minefield. Gail was pretty astounded. Of course, there was still time to lose a limb… So Gail told herself again: Relax. Don't keep doing this to yourself. If you don't like who you are then be someone different. Let her help you. Let her change you, even a little, even if you just become the person who does something nice without overthinking and backing out because you don't want to look vulnerable or weak or…alone. Even if you are.

"I feel bad about eating your breakfast. I'll bring you lunch. Text me what you want."

"That'll be a long text."

Gail frowned.

Holly shook her head.

"Ignore me. You know what I like. Get me anything. I'll be stuck in the office all day - and night." Holly smiled in the sunlight. "Thanks."

That wasn't so hard. She settled back in her seat as they moved along.

Gail watched the beautiful, tragic, dirty, dangerous, wonderful city flitter by as Holly drove smoothly through the morning streets.

This is the day not to be alone, Gail. She closed her eyes, letting the sunshine heat her skin. This is that day.

###

In actual fact this was the day that Gail would get sworn at, pushed, have to arrest a sixty year old man who should damn well know better, chase a stray dog through the halls of a school, and give out a ticket for spitting in public.

"No one commit any crimes while I'm getting lunch," she announced as she got out of the squad car, slamming the door.

###

Gail poked her head around the door of Holly's office or - she frowned as the brunette was examining a bone - dead-people-on-a-slab room, as she intelligently liked to call it. In her own head, of course.

Holly turned around and did that wide angled beam that spread its glow all over Gail.

"Hey."

Gail held a brown bag up high with a fist, dropping her head into a bow.

"I come bearing the gift of food."

"Are you doing a black panther salute?"

Gail glanced up.

"I'm doing a ham on black rye with those little green pickles salute. Worship my offerings."

"Not like I haven't been trying," the brunette retorted.

"Naughty talk like that won't get you pickles, you know."

Holly raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Let me wash up."

Holly put what she was working on down, peeled her gloves off and dropped them in a bin. She walked close, sniffing the air near the bag once before veering off toward the sink.

"I'm going to pass out if I don't eat something. What time is it?"

Gail dug out her phone, glancing at the screen before letting it drop back in her pant leg pocket.

"Four."

Holly exhaled sharply, drying her freshly washed hands on a clean white towel.

"Let's get some vitamin D."

Gail stared at Holly.

"Huh?"

Holly grabbed her coat, motioning for Gail to follow.

"Sunshine, Officer. Lunch outside with me. Consider it one of your five a day."

###

The bench outside of Holly's building wasn't the most comfortable of lunch venues but the sun was out, there was a light breeze and not too many people milling. It felt nice to be outside with Holly. Just the two of them.

Holly started to unpack her sandwich.

"How's your day been? Mine has, unsurprisingly, been full of bits of dead people. Yup, not even whole dead people today."

Gail watched the brunette wrap a napkin around half of the sandwich.

"I had to arrest a sixty year old man for throwing a can of prunes at his neighbour. Chess cheats. Drive by fruiting."

Holly paused with her sandwich, doubling over, laughing loudly, "God I'm glad you're here," steadying herself with a hand on Gail's. Holly seemed to pull that touch short, deftly pulling away. It was a slick move and Gail almost missed it. Almost. But not quite because where Holly was concerned she was attentive today.

Normally this would be exactly the action that Gail would applaud but, actually, she wanted Holly's hand on hers. She wanted that reassurance, that warmth. She'd been thinking about meeting all damn day. She wanted to touch this woman just, you know, without having to take that first step that could mean rejection. And here it was - and she still kinda got rejected.

She looked at Holly and Holly looked at her. Then Holly looked at her sandwich, fiddling with the napkin.

"He's not going to go to jail is he?"

Oh, no, Gail wasn't even going to think this one through.

"Err, what just happened?"

Holly paused, mouth open, about to take a bite of her lunch. She glanced around.

"What?"

"The hand thing?"

Holly shifted a little, lowering her food. The pause was long before she grimaced pleadingly.

"Let's just have a relaxing easy lunch. It's no big deal. Let's enjoy the sun for half an hour."

"That's what I was trying to do until you went all cooties on me."

Holly straightened up and shrugged apologetically.

"You're giving me mixed messages and I'm not used to it."

"Oh. I don't mean to," Gail said softly.

"I know." Holly smiled, "I know. It's just, I date gay girls. If I have a series of..." Holly paused, her eyebrows furrowing in thought, "...they were dates - we've been dating - dates with one of them and we kiss twice then, you know, it ends up going in a certain direction."

"Horizontal?" Gail frowned. "You want to have sex with me here?"

"Thank you for taking that to the most ridiculous conclusion."

Gail shrugged, trying to impart some humour because Holly looked so serious and - sad. Gail sighed. She'd made her sad. Instead of letting Holly take her somewhere new she'd tried to drag her to her scaredy place.

"Holly," Gail started, staring off into the distance for a moment before coming back to the wonderful brunette who suddenly looked very unsure of herself. "Let's be ridiculous together. I don't want to create an emergency situation with you and you're all about growing. Seems like we're heading horizontal to me."

Holly blinked, trying to process that sentence. Gail got bored waiting so she clarified.

"I want to sleep with you."

Holly stared, eyes wide for an uncomfortably long moment before she spoke.

"Oh. Okay."

"Really?" Gail exhaled sharply, pulling a face at that terrible response. "Who's with the mixed messages now?"

Holly rubbed her forehead roughly, chuckling, "Sorry. This wasn't how I thought our lunch would go." Holly smiled, that beam returning, lighting Gail up, making her glow underneath its power. "Come round tonight?"

Gail leant over and took hold of Holly's hand. She squeezed it tightly and didn't let go.

"Yes."

There was nothing more to add.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I delete all negative comments and stalk the senders of praise. There are no winners here. Contact me at your own risk.

Leaning back against Holly's car, Gail slipped her phone back into her pant leg pocket. 11pm. That was late considering what time they'd been at work from. The parking lot outside the morgue was empty apart from Holly's car. The night was dark and a bit cold. Just the way Gail liked it. Less people. Less noise. Less trouble.

The door to the building swung open and out walked a very tired and disorganised looking brunette.

"Hey," Holly said, expelling a long breath as she hunted around in her bag for her keys. "Sorry I took so long. I lost my phone."

Gail frowned.

"But you only just answered it."

Holly unlocked the car, letting both of them in, dumping her stuff in the back.

"And between me hanging up, what, five minutes ago, I put it somewhere and it took - well, five minutes to find." Holly's shoulders slumped. "I hate being this disorganised. Crazy day. Or three. Which is what it felt like."

Gail watched the slightly agitated woman in the seat next to her trying to get a misbehaving key into the ignition.

"Nothing wants to play nice."

Gail wasn't sure how she could help. She wanted to but she wasn't used to stepping up, being automatically nice. Her confusion was overpowering. Gail inhaled a slow steadying breath as her brain stopped doing what it normally did - overthinking, retreating, expanding a barricade, stopping anyone from getting close.

If you don't like who you are then be someone different. Let her help you. Let her change you, even a little…

"Hey," she called, getting Holly's attention. Gail leant over and enveloped Holly in a soft, insistent hug. It took a moment before Holly finally relaxed. Gail could feel her muscles ease under her hands, and then a head rested on her shoulder. She could feel the gentle rise and fall of Holly's rhythmic breathing. It was a natural fit.

"Hey," Holly whispered back.

Gail wasn't sure how long before they parted. It could have been a minute or ten. What she did know was that every part of her felt at peace. She wanted to hold that feeling forever, sitting here with Holly in the calm silence, unafraid, accepted, happy, caught in a moment of their own making.

Holly stared at her with an unreadable expression before she smiled, turning away to start the car. She briefly stroked Gail's leg before backing them out of the space and getting onto the main road. They glided along.

"Thank you." Holly exhaled, her expression lifting. "So, tell me, how was the rest of your day?"

"An epic paperwork nightmare. I barely got out alive."

The car suddenly jolted to a screeching halt as Holly jammed the breaks on. Gail, hands planted on the dash, was stopped from slamming into the plastic by the fierce snap of her seatbelt.

"Oh my god!" Holly, frozen in the seat, spluttered, "He came out of nowhere." She looked white as a sheet. "Are you okay?" Holly lay one hand on Gail's cheek and another on her outstretched bracing arm. She gripped firmly.

It was a moment of clarity. The reduction of every fear Gail had culminated in a single train of thought that enveloped the notion of someone not checking themselves, or getting annoyed at their car or the other driver but at her safety and wellbeing. Gail had no words that could explain, none that wouldn't butcher her feelings into coming out wrong, misunderstood, snarky even.

Holly's expression turned serious, "Talk to me."

"I'm okay." Officer Peck finally powered into life, "Are you hurt?"

Holly shook her head.

"I used to play handball. I could go through a clothes drying cycle in a machine and come out okay."

Gail did a visual check of the other woman. No apparent damage. She moved her focus to someone who was very much going to regret doing this. The other car was stationary in front of them. The door opened and a young guy in a baseball cap got out, arms spread, face twisted in anger. He shouted over to them.

"What's up with you?"

Gail, head tilted to the side, narrowed her eyes for a second.

"Leave this to me."

She swung her door open as the man walked quickly up, doing up her police jacket as she got out. Gail stood, hands on hips, staring at him. If the air could freeze from Gail's expression then he'd be dead before he took another breath. He stopped, blinked, and unsurprisingly shut up.

Gail inhaled deeply, slowly, not for show but because she was mad. Madder than mad, in fact. She swaggered over to where he was now planted to the tarmac. All of his confidence had done a disappearing act. Hers had blazed into an angry fiery phoenix. He looked a lot smaller now. His pockmarked chin quivered.

"Do not be a weeper. I've got somewhere to be."

"Officer..."

She narrowed her eyes, staring intensely at him, her arm extending out behind her, finger snapping to point at Holly in the car.

"Say you're sorry."

He leant sideways so he could look at the car he'd just cut off.

"I'm real sorry." He straightened up, head whipping back to Gail. "Listen, my mom will kill me if I get a ticket."

"Stop talking." She motioned with her hand impatiently. "Paperwork."

She checked it whilst he babbled. It all looked okay. He didn't seem drunk or smashed off his face and she was off duty and the thought of more paperwork taking her away from her night made her cringe inside. He, on the other hand, took the chance to cram his entire life story into the tiny space between them. This guy could talk.

Gail grimaced as he kept going: Mom. Dad. Grandpa. Grandma. He was meant to be picking his idiot sister up… not his idiot sister. Sorry officer. I know. Women aren't idiots. Sorry. Yes, it is sexist. She's dating this asshat. Sorry. No, I won't swear again…

"Cease and desist with the words." God. So. Many. Words. "Turn around. Drive properly. If I see you again I'm arresting you and towing your car to get crushed."

Gail crossed her arms, watching him run back into his car, which he then drove away at about 5mph. She walked back to Holly's car and got in. Holly was staring at her with that damn half smile.

"You are very sexy to watch in action."

Gail remained expressionless. Her pulse was not unaffected by that statement.

"I know."

"Modest."

"That, too."

Gail reached over and rested her hand on Holly's thigh. It was covered with a warm hand that only occasionally had to change gear.

###

Gail watched as Holly loaded the dishwasher up of the plates and cutlery they'd used to demolish the fabulous Chinese take-out. She'd tried to pay. Holly'd said no. She'd tried to help. Holly'd said no. She'd tried to do - something. Nope. And it wasn't that Holly was being chivalrous. She was just being self-sufficient and cute, and probably a bit polite. Several times during their late dinner Gail had sensed some unease in the other woman. And here it was again. She couldn't put her finger on it and, being Gail, she really didn't want to mull it over too long when she could just do this:

"You're weird tonight."

Holly turned slowly, frowning with a smile and perplexed quirk of her head.

"Thank you?"

"No problem," Gail shrugged, dragging out the nonchalant thing again.

Holly waited but with nothing else forthcoming had to prompt.

"Care to elaborate?"

"You're not all…" Gail fumbled, "Holly." Gail grimaced at her awful lack of words. "I mean, normally you're all like, 'Hey, I'm Holly and I'm cool and funny and confident and nothing bothers me.' But tonight you're…" Gail scrunched her nose up, "You're a bit like me." Gail focused her mind, staring intently at the brunette, trying to find a word. She grabbed on to the first one that came to mind. "Closed." Actually, that was right. She jabbed a finger toward Holly. "That's what you are. Closed."

Holly blinked, opened her mouth for a moment but clearly thought better of it. She shut the dishwasher door and turned the machine on.

Gail didn't like the look of this overt buying of time. Subconsciously her shoulders squared themselves off.

Holly turned back and nodded once.

"Okay, here's the thing…"

"Wait, am I going to like the thing?"

"I don't know," Holly said slowly, "Why don't you wait for me to say it and then you'll know."

"I don't like surprises." Holly would normally have chuckled, smiled, laughed or raised her eyebrows but she just stared at Gail. Gail leant her back on the table and crossed her legs. "Okay. Spill it."

Holly shifted her weight and crossed her arms.

Gail's eyebrows knitted together. Oh, boy.

"I…" Holly struggled. "…am nervous. About…" Holly shrugged a shoulder, puffing her cheeks in an exhale. "…this. Expectations. Living up to the hype."

Errr…

"What?"

Holly's words sped up.

"This. The whole thing tonight. Me and my mouth, 'Hey, let's get horizontal because I'm a dawg.' Well, here we are. I'm not a dawg or a player. Ta da."

Gail thought about that for a moment, her expression exceptionally flat, emotionless and, probably, rather unhelpful for Holly.

"How many women have you slept with?"

Holly looked taken aback.

"What?"

"Women. How many? Less than 10? More than 10?"

"Uhm, I've been gay for a while. More than 10."

Gail tapped a finger in the centre of her chest.

"None." That finger circled the space in front of her face. "None," she enunciated slowly. "Out of the two of us I have first refusal on owning the nerves."

Gail really had no idea how to solve this. She stared at open and honest Holly who, even facing something that she herself would find too embarrassing to speak, had just gone and said it. Gail's brain processed quickly and computed with perfect accuracy what this was. Trust. Complete unadulterated trust. Holly had handed the truth to her so willingly, so readily. How many times does someone do that to you in your life? And then Gail stopped because a part of her that she wasn't familiar with stepped up and shut down that sarcastic force field defence.

If you don't like who you are then be someone different. Let her help you. Let her change you, even a little…

Gail started again.

"I think we're both nervous just for different reasons. I think that's okay."

Holly's expression transformed from pensive and tense to the one that devastated Gail's barricades every single time. She smiled. A traffic stopping smile. A smile that could end wars. A smile that had thawed Gail from the inside out.

"Honestly, I'm not normally like this." Holly shook her hands out as if the nerves would drop from her fingertips. "It's probably a lack of sleep and that idiot in his car. I've spooked myself."

Gail took command. She walked up to this amazing woman, taking hold of her hands and squeezing them.

"I think you're incredible."

The only punctuation to end that sentence was the one Gail used. She closed the gap and moved her lips onto Holly's own. It was magnetic, encompassing, receptive, consuming, the pull of the other woman taking all thoughts out of her mind apart from this, her, the feeling of her soft hair, of her skin, of her body as they pressed together. The feeling of parity. The feeling of wholeness. Inevitably, as time slipped by, that changed from the calmness of a gentle stream to the pure feeling of being alive. Of her blood coursing through everywhere all at once. Her heart thumped loudly. Gail broke the kiss, having to take a moment to readjust her reality, centre herself back on Earth. She gave her head a little shake as her lips formed a soft O with her exhale.

Overwhelming. It was always overwhelming.

Gail took hold of one Holly's hands and led them upstairs. They moved in silence until…

"Which one is yours?"

"End. Right."

Gail opened the door and walked them in. She glanced around. Really tidy and exactly what she'd have expected considering Holly's office. It was modern, more on the bare side than anything else, and featured a calming mix of cold colours accented with a few bold abstract paintings. It was nice. Gail glanced at the very large bed.

Yup, big.

She deposited a pliant Holly next to it and, with a little push, had her sitting down. Gail carefully took Holly's glasses off, placing them on the night stand. She stared back into the very serious face of the brunette. Gail inhaled deeply for the delivery of her decision.

"I want to sleep with you." Gail bent down and kissed those lips again once. "But just sleep."

"Okay," Holly whispered, a hand snaking around to Gail's side.

Gail's entire body shuddered. Like, deep inside her bones she felt it.

Holly pulled them both down, planting an elbow on the comforter, raising herself up, giving them some space. The tension was palpable as Holly seemed to study her for a moment before speaking.

"I did not expect you."

Holly's wonderful smile beamed out, cocooning Gail in the knowledge that she was exactly where she needed to be. She let that smile preach its message: I see you and I like you and here's the proof so you and everyone else can see because I'm not ashamed or scared. Gail smiled back. Gone was the feeling of vulnerability, fear, uncertainty, the sadness, the deep haunting feeling of being alone, of being scared.

"No one expects me, Holly."

"Then they're all fools."

Holly kissed her.


End file.
